Dude, I'm just sayin'.

I heard a story this week about someone who lost a relative to cancer and got this little gem of wisdom and comfort from someone who heard about his loss: "Well, I'll bet you're glad he's out of his misery." This sort of awkward lack of etiquette was described in an essay I recently read from from Michael J. Lewis, Professor of Art, Williams College. He said

"...the conviction that became widespread in the 1960s, that we do not need formal conventions, but rather authenticity and sincerity--that we do not need etiquette, but rather honesty" has had some negative impact on our social interactions today. He went on to say "the mantra of that era, 'Tell it like it is,' encouraged us to speak from the heart, to improvise. And if this improvisation faltered, as improvisations often do, then stumbling inarticulateness could be taken as a badge of sincerity. The problem, as Emily Post knows, is that there are situations too serious to trust to improvisation. There are moments when a convention is required and cannot be improved upon: the polite inquiry "How are you?", the statement of congratulation, "I wish you the best," the statement of condolence, "I am sorry for your loss." These are not trite platitudes, but social obligations that are ritual actions. Social interaction requires social conventions. People who do not use conventional sayings, such as "I am sorry for your loss," run the danger of saying something inappropriate: "Well, at least he's out of his misery," or "My uncle had the same form of tumor," or "Bummer." If you can trust to your own originality, all you can be sure of is that whatever inappropriate notion is bobbing along at the surface of your unconscious will be blurted out."

I'm glad that we don't have the sort of stuffy social etiquette of Victorian England, but there are times when a little formal convention is much better than making something up as we go along. I'm just sayin' dude.